Heart speaks first

There are so many mixed emotions going on inside of me right now that I can't even describe it. I really wish I could just lose all my bad memories, I keep on thinking about it over and over again. Ugh, stupid shit I do when I'm under the influence. Seriously, everything is so ajflsjfda. You could call me someone that's always pessimistic, even though I always seem happy. No, that's not true, yeah I always have a smile on my face, but no one fucking knows what's behind it, seriously... I always find the bad to everything. I always always think about the bad and stupid things I've done in the past, it kills me. Probably one of the reasons why I never could sleep early, cause whenever I close my eyes the thoughts just come back to me. I really hate this. Someone shoot me. I need to get my mind out of everything and chill out. Adding to that I'm always pissed off at small stuff that people do or say. UGGGGHH.

No, I'm not going to tell you my problems that I have. No, I'm not depressed or anything. But that's just me, I don't want telling people my problems and having them give my fake sympathy. I don't want it nor do I need people giving me fake sympathy.

I seriously don't understand what goes in a boy's mind, they always fall for the chick who tears their heart apart huh?

It's just one of those days where I have a lot on my mind.

It's been almost 3 weeks? MHM, I hope I can keep this up. 19th day.