CHRISTY : Do you even read my blogs?!
ANGELA : ummm...... not the big ones..
^ I fucking love my bestfriend :)

" Every once in a while people step up, they rise above themselves. Sometimes they surprise you, and sometimes they fall short. Life is funny sometimes, it can push pretty hard, but if you look close enough you find hope in the words of children, in the bars of a song and in the eyes of someone you love. And if you're lucky, and if you're the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person you love decides to love you back. "

Why am I still stuck in the past? FUCCCKK. This is killing me ):

Sigh, sometimes my blogs get way to personal..I seriously over-think too much.


13th day.

This ain't woth it.

Why does this shit always happens to me?! Seriously, just when something was good for me once, the outcome always is always worse for me, got me sittin' here thinking way too much. I really hate when I think too much of a situation. Now I know I'm done for good. Fuck this shit, seriously. I don't even know why I was stressin' over it at the beginning. What's done is done, it is what is. Don't try to fix what something that doesn't want to fix. Fuck this, sometimes things are better left broken, than try to hurt yourself putting it back together. I blame myself for thinking these thoughts, for thinking that something would happen, heh.. How stupid was I ? Just when I thought my life would be goood for one more time, shit goes down the fucking drain. Whenever I hope for something the opposite happens. I don't fucking wish anymore, cause I know most of my wishes would never come true. Maybe I shouldn't hope anymore either, cause nothing works. Life's a bitch; foreal. Sigh, I don't even know why I'm stressing out so much for this simple problem..

I'm done with this, period.

a walk to remember,

LOVEE THAT MOVIE.
" I might kiss you.."
" I might be bad at it.." HAHAHAH, how cute :')

Why is it that I always find myself doing something I said I wouldn't do? Like seriously, I promise myself I wouldn't do something, but I always end up doing it. I just hate how all I think about is the mistakes I make in the past, and nothing more. Like seriously.. I know it's bad just thinking about the past, but whenever I close my eyes it all just comes back, that's why I've been staying up till 6 a.m, so that I could be really tired, and just sleep without thinking about anything. I mean, I have some good memories too, but I can never seem to remember them. I wish I could just have someone that I could just spill my whole feelings out too, but then again, who would have the time to sit there and listen to my complaints all day long. It's funny how the exact same shit happened to me last summer, is happening to me again this summer. I really hope the rest of summer '09 be a goood one. My blogs are so random, LOL.

WOW, are you foreal?! People are so blind now a days, not knowing who's real and who's fake. Serious shit.

It brings back so much memories, hah.

Why don't you ever fucking learn your mistakes Christy? SIGH, I hope I don't do what I did in the past again.. I really hope I don't...


12th day.

promise me

Sigh, I really need to clean my room.. I need to get out more too. I've been starting to realize, I don't really need to care about anyone opinions out there, and I shouldn't be caring if someone dislikes me or not. hahaha, those better days are starting to finally come.

" Promise me, that if I couldn't buy you things, like your sugar jewels, you won't care.
Promise me, that you will never leave me alone if my records ain't hot next year.
Promise me, I've Done been with some Chicks Before But It Wasn't Sincere
Shorty please promise me. If you true boo, show it.Saying you going, no where. "

forever.

I keep on contemplating what should of, could of, and what would of happened. I can name thousand of what if's off the top of my head, but sitting there and thinking about what if's isn't going to do shit for me.And forever ain't nothing but just a fucking empty word with no meaning.

sigh, fuckk. The smallesst shit is getting to me now a days. Fuccck.
Lol, I really need my fucking sleeeeep.


Damn, I just have this huge urge to jlaskjfdlkdsfj, hahah. Fuck temptations, I always give in first.. FINALLLY, got to talk to angela today :) yay. Thought that I would say more to her, but I didn't have much to say.. haha. Fuck the weather, it had been making me ajfdlkjrlwea ):

Gotta get you.

It's really, no more huh..? How stupid was I to think, that there's still something there...? Fuck today, seriously..Hehe, sad to say, but I don't ever learn from my mistakes.. I keep on doing something that I know is wrong already. I keep on doing something that I know won't go right, but I keep on doing it.. And at the end of the day, I end up hurting myself. Everything is like a rerun. They say "no regrets, just lesson learned." But in my case its "yes regrets, just no lesson learned." It's funny how mostly everyone I know say that they have no regrets, but I think that's fucking bullshit. In life you gotta have at least one regret...Even if it's the smallest regret, from choosing not to eat something to letting someone go, you still gotta regret something, but hey I might be wrong who am I to say. Haha. I know for sure this time that I'm not going to care anymore, I even promised myself not to care anymore.. Hm, let's see where this will take me.


ABOVE THE INFLUENCE DAYSS FTWW !^___^
1 week and 2 days.

" I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone. "

" Words for the past, we all shed tears, that's why I pop pills, cause the end is so near. "

I fucking miss it.. scratch that, I fucking miss you

take it back.

I'm so tired of everything, from family, to boys, and friends, everything. I'm done with everything now. Not going to give a fuck about anything anymore. Building up my walls, and I'm not going to let anyone tear it down. I've also noticed, I've been putting myself out there. Being way to easy.. Gotta stop selling myself short, cause I know I'm better than that.

I truly envy the girls that could be so independent. Those girls that could not give a fuck about anyone around them, and not care about what people say about them. Those girls that have something I don't have...Confidence.

&&&& I fucking miss my bestfriend): WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!?!??!?:(


"As good as it may sound, I know myself that it can't be."

" If something is foreal true, they'd find their way back after fading away. "

Stop flattering yourself Christy..

I know that the better days that I was wishing for is going to finally come :).

Is it true when people say, there's someone out there for everyone? Well, I want to meet someone who would change the way I think about guys. Someone who wouldn't mind coming to my house at 2 a.m just to see me. Someone who's not afraid to show me his feelings. Someone that I could talk from morning to night and wouldn't be bored. Someone who would actually show me he cares. Someone who would treat me like a princess. Someone who would be there to listen when I have my problems. Someone who wouldn't break our pinky promises. Someone who I could call babe/baby with out feeling awkward. Someone who would text me every minute of the day. But finally, someone who would prove to me that not all guys are assholes. That's not too much to ask for, right...? +++ someone who would take me out to eat pho at midnight :)


It's 6 a.m right now, and I can't sleep at all. Keep on thinking about what I should do next..Why can't I just let it go? Hah, isn't this wait long enough? Should I keep on pursuing something that I don't even know if it's worth my time....? Why can't someone just tell me the answer, so I can stop thinking stupid thoughts...Daaaamnn it :(. And I'm still prayin for those better days..


Haha, it's funny how I always say that I'm getting over it, but I never seem to make the effort to try to get over it. I've been reading my old blogs, and damn... I complain way too much, I say that I'm going to do something, but I don't. I really need to change the way I used to look at things, because reality is, there's always someone in a worse position than you are. I take the people who loves me for granted, and when they walk out on me, I sit and complain and regret about it... And I think about "what if's".What if I didn't do that ? What if I showed I cared more? What if this, what if that.. What if I actually tried to stop thinking about it, and actually try to move on with the future, and not living the past.


august1st2009/ 31

mhmhm,

im done and over it... Well, I think I am..



"I tried to push it aside, but there's no where to hide."

Offically missing you

mhmhm.. It's too hot, I can't sleep at all. I want to get out of this house so bad.. It's driving me crazy, I wanna go late night cruising :). Weell blaah, yesterday was a salfjldskfjsdf, why did I have to do that..? Just go and do something I told myself not to do... Im trying to let go, but can't.. sighh, I have a stufffy nose, my mouth hurts like a bitch, the weather is hell, family is fucking whacck, and blaaaaaah..


I want those better days..

If you want me to stay

Im going to kill myself soon, this type of weather is killing me :( . My room is like fucking 90 degrees, god I need windows and AC . Sigh, it's 4:28 Im tired as hell, but can't sleep for shieeett! I've been sleeping really really late now a days :( . <^><^><^> the weather.. anywhos, today angela came over, and yeahh. My mom took us to cut my hair, I swear she's such a bitch sometimes. The lady chopped off my long hair, now my hair is short as fuckk ))): <^> I HATE IT, and she dyed it too. UGHHH):< I swearrrr I think im going crazy, ahha. I wish I had someone that would take me cruising around at like 3 a.m. LOL, oh how life would be so good if that happened (: WOOOT WOOOT, my dad said he's gonna buy me a bike sooooon. YAYAY. I can now bike to people's houses instead of asking my dad for rides:). IM SOOO BOREEEEEEEEDDD. yayayay, my fan thingy is blowing out coool air (: ^_______^. blah, I need money ): FUCK MY RANDOM TOPIC CHANGING.

BTW* my title of my blogs, are usually the songs that Im listening too.

0/370.

remember?

Remember the simple times? The time when boys had cooties and daddy was your hero and mommy was your best friend. When your dreams were unsheltered, and worries were few. When recess was just to short, and life was just to long. When fun went on and on forever with out a broken heart, and goodbye only meant till tomorrow. When getting high was swinging on the playground ,and your worst enemies were your siblings or teachers. When race issues were who ran the fastest. When war was just a card game. When the only drug you knew of was cough medicine. When the only things you smoked were the tires on your bike. When the only things that could get broken were toys. When friends didn’t lie to you ,and the worst thing anyone ever called you was a meanie. When rock, paper, scissors solved every problems. When life was just simple and carefree.
Remember those days? Now it’s the time where boys don’t have cooties, your daddy isn’t your hero, and mommy isn’t your best friend. Now dreams are shattered, worries are many. No more recess, now life isn’t as long as we pictured. Now fun doesn’t go on and on forever, and goodbye doesn’t mean till tomorrow. Getting high isn’t swing at the playground, now our worst enemies aren’t our teachers or siblings. Race issues aren’t who runs the fastest, and war isn’t just a card game. Now the only things we smoke aren’t the tires on our bikes, and the things that can get broken aren’t just toys. Now friends lie, and call us mean things not like meanie. Rock, paper, siccors doesn’t solve every problem. Now life isn’t just simple and care free anymore.

I really regret what I've done in the past...I really do..

angela is so fucking sexy.
i want to lick her <33333

my mistakes

today was a good day. I only got like 5 hours of sleep though ): . Well, I slept at 6 woke up at 8 because angela was coming overr. She used my laptop while I was sleeping for like an hour or so. Then, we went to find foood. blah blah, she slept from like 12 to like 3, and went home because she felt sick. I was suppose to go to boiling crab with her and vivian but no , she was too sick. Anywhos, my dad thhen took me to go to my grandma's house, stayed there for like an hour. Then at like 6 we went to pick vivian up from her house, to go to boiling crab. When we got there, we saw Jenny, Shantel, and Angelinee, then 10 mins after we arrived knee came. Then we walked to Tasteasss because our table would only be avaible in an hour. MHMHMH, Daniel and Johnny came too. BLAH BLAH BLAH. Overall, gooodday (:

gentlemen don't

im boreddd, lame day today. SIGH..

mad

SOO BOREEEEED): . Well good day today I guess. Woke up at like 3, then went on to the laptop for a bit. Then, went with my dad to pick up angela. Then, we went to buy fireworks. And then, came home madee foood, angela's scary with knifes):. Vivian called to ask if she could come over too, I went to showerrr, thenn vivian came over blah blah . We went to my uncle's house for fireworks. We went there at like 8 somethingg, played with fireworks blahblahblah. I swear one day imma die bcos of fire, everyone was attaacking me with those firesticks ): , I am not meant to do anything that has fire in it. hahaha, then at like 10:00ish angela mom and picked me, angela, vivian up to go to tiana's housee. Went theree, just chilled for a bit with peoplee. Then went home around 11ishh I thinkk. And now, Im home, bored. Angela's sleeping overrr, she's in my room using my phone I think, and im in the dinning room blogging.haha.well yeah that's it. Oh, Julie finally showed me how to use twitter (= .

www.twitter.com/christeaa


oh btw, angela is so sexy, yummmmm
oh man i go all homo for her <3333

Im still not over you

The curious case of benjamin buttons is such a good movie. It's 3:16 and I just got done watching the movie. Im starting to get sick, urrg . Well, today I really didn't do anything besides go around with my mom to places and yeahh. Yesterday angela came over and we didn't really do anything either.haha. I hate the weather, it's so damnn hot. I want it to be super cold like how cold it was in feburary or something. Im tired, but can't really sleeep. Fucck5, Im starting to get majorr ugly bags. 4th of july is almost coming up, haha that's fassstt. And then damn just 2 more months then summer is over, and highschoool is here. Nothing intresting reallly happens to me anymore, haha. life is kinda boring really.. Well, there's nothing to do anymore.

" Cause Imma keep smilin', Imma keep it movin', cause I don't need you no more."