That's my cue.

Yeah, I was right. You say these things, yet you don't mean a bit of what you said. Why was I so naive and actually believed. I blame you for this. Just tell me what you want.. Is that too much to ask for? I don't think it is. I poured my heart out for you, and yet you don't give a fuck about it. I don't understand you one bit. I have my insecurities, and you should know it. I'm just asking you to just be there, I swear it's not too much..Right? I don't think so. But then again, I guess it's better to let go now, then later when there is more feelings. Right? I don't think you'll even remember me..But I hope you do. If it's just a small memory, it's still there right?

I never seem to have much luck on guys, lol.

I was close to getting you out of my head, and now you decide to do this? What do you want...

SOO FUCCCKIINGGG CUUUTE. #@*$)@*#$ :)))))))))))))

get the fuck out of my mind. PLEASE -_________-. Stop doing this to me, you frustrate me so damn mucccch.

I think about "what if's" just way to much. Shit, f'realll.

So mucch things going through my headd, asdklfjlsdkjf. fuck me.

Halloween,

Yeaaah. Siggh, I feel lazy today. Papabear is taking me out to eat in a bit, and I'm not even ready. errrg. Procrastination sucks. My days are blaaah now. Nothing intresting happens. It's just the same shit but on a different day. I miss those days where I would actually be looking forward to waking up in the morning, and going to sleep with a smile on my face. Ughh, My grades are going up, so that's good I guess, but I still have a D in spanish. Soo gaaaayy, it's like learning english all over again. FACT: Highschool is expensive. No joke. With all the clubs and classes. Pretty whacck. Anywhos, this situation that I'm in feels like a rerun all over again, no liees. I know how it's gonna end, so why am I still trying to hold on to it ? I'm gonna end up getting hurt at the end, but why am I so asdjfljsdfjasldfjsdklf about it. ERRRG, this is so gaaayy. I don't know why I'm stressing over this, get yourself together christy. askldfjskldft4ufdscjk hasidu f 24twfdshfklrsa

It's sad, how I say one thing and go do something else. I told myself that I wouldn't care about anything else, besides school from now on. But yet, here I am stressing over the same situation over again, when will I learn my lesson?

What would I do, if I didn't know you?

I gotta go get ready now, I hope today will be a good day.

" I got my laces tied, and my love locked. Cause I'm not gonna be trippin on love. "

Fuck me, I've be procrastinating on showering for the past 30 mins. FML

I'm strugglin to find a way to make it through the day,

Everything that I thought you weren't, you turned around and proved me wrong. Why is this happening to me once again ? I knew it wasn't right from the very beginning already, but I still went this way. It's so stupid, thinking that it would actually go the way I want it to be. Sigh, I need to just keep to myself now. I'm done with everything now, main focus = schoool even though I reallly hate it, but I have been slacking off so much, failing most of my classes, and the quarter is almost ending so I got to get my act together, and try to do better in schoool. I hope you don't talk to me again, I don't want anything to do with this anymore, it's going to happen sooner or later why not right now so it would be easier? Yeah..


This is one of the reasons why I love blogspot more then tumblr, I could blog about anything, and not have anyone to "like" or "reblog" my posts, yeah.. My internet is bugging the shit out of me, sjdflsjdf. *SIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH*

"There will come a day where you’ll feel like shit and want to give up on this life and everything else. When that day comes save yourself some trouble, don’t do anything, just take a nap."

That is exactly I'm going to do right now, I'm going to go take a nap. Yup.

It's funny how somethings can change right in front of your eyes without you even realizing it. I changed, and people around me did. And I think I changed for the worse, doing all these things that I do now. I didn't even notice it till now, till I looked back at what I used to blog about a year ago.. And damn, it seems like as I am getting older I learn more about reality. Life is so unpredictable, no matter how much you try to prepare for what comes at you , it won't matter, cause life has it's own games and tricks that it plays on us. I'm learning more about the world that we live in, and damn it's not as pretty as I use to think it was. Like thinking back to my elementary years, I would always to think of the world as a place where everyone would love each other, no hate or anything. And all I really use to care about was always getting my homework done, listening to my parents, and always being their perfect daughter . Now it all changed, I'm slacking in school, I don't listen to my parents, in fact I would talk back to them and have no respect for them whatsoever sometimes too. But madfucckinglove to my pparents, even though I would always say I hate them..

" No matter how painful the world may be, even though you may fall, just get back up and keep pushing forward. "

Even a complete stranger that I don't even know said happy birthday to me, and you didn't. Yeah.. Thanks father.

Haven't blogged in awhile,

I don't know what to blog about anymore. Birthday today, and I'm sitting here at home doing nothing, what a fucking great birthday.. I hope the day gets better later on at night or something, cause this is fucking sad.

I really need to keep up my grades, it's BARELy the first month of freshmen year and I'm failing like 3 classes already, FUCCK ME :(. And progress report cards come out this week, urrrg.>:( Time to get my act together, I don't wanna just mess up this year.. SIGGGH, I hope I can get my grades up soon, AJFKLSJF );

Some people just never change do they?!

Through everything,

Feelings still comes back now and then. The only one who was there for me..

I wish,

I had those "I don't give a fuck attitude" towards things now a days, but truth be told I over analyze so many things you don't even know. Sigh, highschool is really stressful like no joke, I can't believe I have to go through this for four more damn years. Oh joy.. I need to keep up my grades, it's barely like the first month of school, and I have a D in english already. ERRG. And I'm guessing that my bio grade will probably drop to a C pretty soon :(. Other than that other classes are pretty easy. MHMHMH. siggh, and for boys... ECCK.

If I died tonight, how many people would care? How many people would know? How many people would moan and wish they had me back? How many people would regret being assholes? How many people would wish they loved me more? How many people would wish they loved me less?
^ Those sort of question come across my mind everyday.

I got myself a tumblr, I had it for a while, but never used it. KEKEK.
christeaa.tumblr.com

CHEGGG IT ;)

There's no time to blog nowadays.

Quick update, got my phone taken away in class. Fucking gay shiet. Dad is being a faggot once again. School's gay. I hate how you always do stuff that you know would make me go asdkjfklsdjf right in front of me.

CURRENT MOOD : FUCCK YOU WORLD.

I could use some bbbuutterflies right now. HAHAHHAHA. ;)

"If that four letter word was never heard then we be on better terms hurts to say it and not hear it in return."

If you really love me.

Finallly, I'm on my desktop, it laggs like hell though. Oh wells, it's better then nothing. Well, highschool started. OOH BOYY, is it so much more then I expected it to be. Stop giving me mixed signals, I act like I don't care but urrrgh. I wish I had that 'I don't give a fuck' attitude towards things like this, but truth be told I care waaay to much.. I'm serious, WHENEVER SOMETHING GOOD HAPPENS TO ME, IT NEVER LAST.. Yeah I know good things never last forever, but yeah. I'm starting to open up to some people.. That's good, but at the same time it's not. I still have my guard up, not gonna knock it down just yet.


ILUUUUUUHHSYDNEEEYQUEEENIELE.
just bcos you blogged about me fag, <3.

Finally,

get to go on the computer for a bit, before I leave. Yay, a lot had happened. Laptop screen is basekjaksdjf. It's so weird, how when I don't have a computer to use, I have so much on my mind, and when I do I can't think of anything to write. Wow, well tomorrow's schoool. First day of being a freshmen, hella nervous, but very very excited. I'm about to go shopping in a few with cousins, hopefully I can find what I'm trying to look for today, since yesterday there wasn't shit. I really hope tomorrow would turn out to be a goood day.

No one had ever given me the feeling of having butterflies in my stomach before, OH DARN IT, WHY IS THIS HAPPENIN TO ME );



NTS: dnltbbhdlyc. )=

I need an inspiration to always keep my head up, when things gets tough. Haven't blogged a while, bcos laptop broke :/

"It doesn’t matter what people tell you. It doesn’t matter what they might say. Sometimes you have to leave home. Sometimes, running away means you’re headed in the exact right direction."

Tell me something I didn't know would ya?

"Yesterday you were better off than you are today, but it took today for you to realize it. But today has arrived and it’s too late. You see? People are never happy with what they have. They want what they had, or what others have. The grass is always greener on the other side."

It's true, I'm never happy with what I have in front of me, I'm always asking for more. And then I when it's gone, I sit there and regret about why I didn't cherish what I had, when I had it right in front of me.

NTS: stop flattering yourself

I'm not those type of people who wear their hearts on their sleeve. I don't go and spill out my emotions to people. I learned my mistakes already, opening up to someone to fast isn't always a good thing to do for me, cause who knows if that person is gonna get up, and just leave you the next day. And It's just me, I'm not accustomed to that way. As you can see, I rarely tell someone that's something's wrong, or how I'm feeling directly to their face, this is why I have a blogspot. It helps me get my all my thoughts out, and yeah. MHMHM, It takes a lot for me to open up to someone, be patient with me, yeah?

Anywhos today, I learned that no matter how bad you have it, there is ALWAYS someone who has it worse then you. It's true, right? YEP. So for me here to complain about how I have it bad, I'm barely even there.

Life is,

bittersweet. You could just love it so much at one point, and end up hating life so much at another point. I don't get how it works, I know at the end of everybody's road, is death. But the deeper side of life is what I don't get. I don't get why things never go the way you want it to go. I don't get why you can never have what you want. I don't get why life is never always good. I don't get why you have to feel pain in one point in time; emotionally or physically. I just don't get why life is just so god damn complicated. I know that without any problems in life, it would just be flat out boring. But.. I don't even have the words to say what I'm trying to say now. sigh*


I just don't get it...

Scary stuff.

Schoool is coming up in the next two week, I'm really nervous for it. I want to go to school, but at the same time I don't. I want to go to school so I could have something to keep my mind on, instead of always thinking about things that doesn't even matter in my life. School is going to be my main priority from now on. I really got to get my act together, seriously. Gotta get good grades, to get into a good collage, so I could enjoy the finer things in life. I know that's its 4 more years to go, but fuck time goes by hella fast. Wasn't it just yesterday that I was just in 1st grade? Damn, but to be honest I'm really scared of growing up.. The next four years in my life is going to determine where imma be in the future. Just the thought of that scares the shit out of me.

And you think you have it bad..You're not even close to having it bad yet.

People say everything always happens for a reason, but in this situation that I'm in I can't find the reason.

" In a world filled with hate, we must still dare to hope. In a world filled with anger, we must still dare to comfort. In a world filled with despair, we must still dare to dream. And in a world filled with distrust, we must still dare to believe. "

" I used to be fool, but I'm stronger now, just go. "

sigh* I have no more words to say.

I hate it when I try to tell someone my problems, they always say " it's going to be okay." Fucking bullshit, how would you know if it's going to be okay? Your not in my position. I'm offically done telling people about the problems I have, whether it's family, friends, boys, or anything I'm going to try to learn how to deal with the situation on my own, with nobody's fucking help. There's no brighter day after a dark night anymore.. I just cant handle anymore of this. No, nothing is going to get better. Yes, I'm very pessimistic. I know running away from my problems aren't always the smartest thing to do, but what else is there to do? Just sit there and let someone who's real blood related, someone who you used to fucking love just tell you he's going to smack you if you don't move out of the way? Fuck that shit, seriously.

Yesterday was the worse day of my life. Dad told me to leave the house, if I didn't want to stay here anymore. So I did what he wanted me to do, leave the house. If it wasn't for my mom, I wouldn't came back. I'm just holding my head up high for my mom. I seriously had never hated anyone this much in my fucking life, EVER. I'm not the person who hold on to grudges, cause I never could. But this is a whole new fucking story.

You do not konw what you got until it's gone.

This is probably one of the toughest thing I had to write.

I know how life goes now, it screws you over. Why am I so stupid. Life is a bitch, furreal. I truely only love my mom, fuck the rest of the family

Stop it Christy, I'm better then this, I just know that I am. Damn, I need a reality check, furreal.

People now a days are fucking blind serious shit. Shit, I seriously seriously hate staying up so late, and keep on thinking.. It's fucking killing me here..

Embrace the change.

" If that four letter word was never heard then we be on better terms, hurts to say it and not hear it in return."

Can't wait till I dye my hair once more time for schoool =) light brown with a bit of red in it. MHMHMH, after this I'm gonna leave my hair to grow, I don't think imma dye my hair after this anymore, it's basically dead.. LOl, I have so much stuff to do before school starts, shit. I need to go back to school shopping soon , I need new clothes sigh. I wish I was rich, life would be so much easier.. YUUUp. Lately, when I sleep I need to leave my light stand on or else I can't sleep. I seriously need a damn night light, this light stand thing is giving off so much heat, and it's next to me, so it's freaking adding on more heat.SLDJFLASDF, I hope when school starts it's not this hot or else I'm going to basically die.. YUUUP. Also, I've been trying to sleep early :) Sleeping around 3 wooot, no more sleeping at 7 anymore yay. Haha, what a dilemma, should I do it one more time, or just stop? Sigh, I hope friday will go out how I hope it will. I hope ________________... Well, yeaah goodnight blogreaders.

Today was an okay day I guess, went out to eat with the whole big family, and yeaaahh that's all. Sigh, I'm just lying to myself... I hate how this has to always happen to me.

“The average person tells 4 lies a day, or 1460 a year a total of 88,000 by the age of 60. And the most common lie is: I’M FINE.”

" I try to pull away from you, but it's killing me because I can't stop loving you . "
can't stop - stevie hoang

" 'Cause I'm not your princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday
Who might actually treat me well
This is a big world
That was a small town
There in my rear view mirror
Disappearin' now
And it's too late for you and your white horse
Now it's too late for you and your white horse
To catch me now "

white horse - taylor swift

All over

I miss those old days, where I would look forward to waking up. Going to bed with a smile on my face. Sigh, this feeling sucks. Summer is coming to an end, did nothing fun really. School's almost here in 2 weeks, and angela is coming back next week, yay. I really hope school this year would be fun. Everything is turning into bullshit now a days. Hopin' for those better days..

" Sleepless nights, and stormy days, I've got proof that people change over time, pictures fade, and all thats left are these empty frames. "

" No one knows for certain anything in life. Everything is a never ending series of change. Without this change I believe we would grow bored. Bored of our surroundings, our situations and each other. Embrace change as much as you can and it will embrace you. Try to move through it instead of resisting it and see what happens. You may come out a whole new you and be surprised with the end results. Life throws surprises at us, good and bad. It’s all in how we take them and what we have learned. Follow your own path and be your own self and see who walks beside you, you may be pleasantly surprised. "

I don't stand a chance.

"A strong girl keeps her shit in line. And with tears running down her face, she still manages to whisper the simple words; I’m fine."

I feel happy at this moment, hahah :). Hope it stays this way.

“When all’s said and done, all roads lead to the same end. So it’s not so much which road you take, as how you take it.”

Independent.

I need to learn how to not always having the need to depend on someone.

I hate love - claude kelly
I choose you - babyface

"You can't rewind the past, but you can't fast foward to the future. All you can do is press play to see what is gonna happen next."

" Never forget yesterday, but always live for today with the people you love, because you never know what tomorrow can bring, or what it can take away."

"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, and forget about the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance; take it. If it changes your life; let it. Nobody said it was easy, they just promised it would be worth it."

That quote was in my past blog, and now that I re-read it over again, it tells me something more. Yeah, I have my regrets, but I gotta let them go right ? I can't be holding on to a mistake I've done in the past, cause what's the point of holding on to it? It will only cause me more stress thinking about what I've done. Well, everything happens for a reason, and maybe the things I've done in the past will lead to something better in the future? Who knows, life's a fucking mystery, things never go your way.

They say that good comes to those who wait. Well, I'm going to start waiting, the finer things in life will come to me sooner or later I just know it will. Lets just hope my patience will last.

Now that I think about it, I have changed for the worse.. Doing all this shit, sigh. When school starts I'm not going to do any of this anymore.

Why the hell did I have to go and read it all over again, ugh. Now it brings back more stupid memories. fucck. shit's gaaay.

Thank god I decided to stop rolling; big shocker that I do that stuff huh?Lol, but I sure do and say a lot of stupid shit when I do it. Now that I look back for the past couple of months, I do really regret what I've done. And yeah, so many people have said " NO REGRETS, JUST LESSON LEARNED. " Well, that quote just comes to me so many time, but for a fact I do have a lot of regrets, and no I never learn my lesson. I also don't believe that is a true quote honestly. Think deeper to it, and you'll find that you do have some regrets, and yeah maybe sometime you'll learn your lesson, but not all the times. But then, I can't say or tell someone how to live their live.

I think I blog way too much..

Oh god, bad memories >___< FUCCK FUCCCK. I wish I could just erase it all from my mind. Shoot me -____________-

Highschool is right around the corner, I'm nervous as fuck. I hope this year would be better then last year.

At the moment, I could say that I miss you, this isn't a goood thingg to happen right now ):

3/4weeks; double2's

"I just wanna let it go for the night,
that would be the best ever be for me. "

Lovin' you from a distant

WOOOT, I knocked out at 8 yesterday, slept all the way till 1 today :). I needed that sleep, lol.

Everybody is starting to piss me off now a days, seriously..

I officially need sleeping pills, cause I tried to sleep at 3 earlier, and failed. Now I'm up and blogging again. What's going to happen when school starts?! I can't be going to sleep at like 6... I need to start training myself to sleep early. SIGH, someone wants to get me some sleeping pills? Pleaeee..?! ):

"You don’t know what you have in front of you in the present, until it's finally the buried past. You don’t know exactly how things will turn out or when, everyday your putting yourself into risk just to conclude your life with death. The future; who fucking knows what will occur, what and whom will morph into our lives, where we'll end up , wind up- Life’s a fucking mystery."

Heart speaks first

There are so many mixed emotions going on inside of me right now that I can't even describe it. I really wish I could just lose all my bad memories, I keep on thinking about it over and over again. Ugh, stupid shit I do when I'm under the influence. Seriously, everything is so ajflsjfda. You could call me someone that's always pessimistic, even though I always seem happy. No, that's not true, yeah I always have a smile on my face, but no one fucking knows what's behind it, seriously... I always find the bad to everything. I always always think about the bad and stupid things I've done in the past, it kills me. Probably one of the reasons why I never could sleep early, cause whenever I close my eyes the thoughts just come back to me. I really hate this. Someone shoot me. I need to get my mind out of everything and chill out. Adding to that I'm always pissed off at small stuff that people do or say. UGGGGHH.

No, I'm not going to tell you my problems that I have. No, I'm not depressed or anything. But that's just me, I don't want telling people my problems and having them give my fake sympathy. I don't want it nor do I need people giving me fake sympathy.

I seriously don't understand what goes in a boy's mind, they always fall for the chick who tears their heart apart huh?

It's just one of those days where I have a lot on my mind.

It's been almost 3 weeks? MHM, I hope I can keep this up. 19th day.

Reminiscing,

is something I do way too much. Sure brings back a lot of memory..

" Live in the moment, sit on the throne and just take a look from the top, it’s a whole other perspective to see the good that you got. "

Cryin inside

I really hate nights like this, where I can't sleep till 4 or so. Gives me so much time to think and blog my heart out. Spent most of my day watching movies, how lame. I never go out anymore, wtf.

How do I know that I don't feel towards you anymore? I can say that I honestly don't like you. MHMHMHM, sigh my life is really predictable, seriously. I always know for a fact that when something good happens to me, the next day or so; it turns upside down and all go down the drain. So it's whatevers anymore I guess. Life never gives you what you want, but then I learned to strive for what I want. MHM, I know that I may not have it as bad as other people out there, but hey who hasn't complain about their life at one point of time? BUT AT THE MOMENT, I really can't complain about my life right now, and let's just hope to keep it that way :).

Sigh, I swear I am waay too nice, and I always let people walk over me; never having the voice to speak up. I know at times I say mean things and blahblahblah, but honestly I don't ever say what I want to say in front of people. I'll always be the first one to give in. I know that sounds stupid, but I don't know.. It's just, asjdflaksjdf.

"Love will tear us apart, but there's joy in our division.
Not to mention it's the only reason I continue living."

Who do you love

I hate my mood swings. Fuccking gay shieeet.

Stfu w/ your fucking bullshit..
HAHA, karma's a real bitch ain't it?

"When things gets tough - the tough gets going."

Everything is broken.

I never liked to talk about my feelings or problems directly to anyone really. It's hard for me to spill all my feelings out. I don't always go running to someone and tell them that something is wrongs. It's one of the reasons why I have made a blogspot, so I can at least have something to talk about my problems to and not have any feedback about it.. Sigh, some people don't understand that I have my insecurities at times, I don't always know what to do. Actually, most of the time I don't even know what to do really. I never really knew how to give advice to people, cos the way of how I see it is; I can't give you help on something if I never been in that position. How am I to say help you if I don't even know what it feels like to be in the spot your in. Sigh, I really do suck at advice giving, lol. I just had to blog this out, it was really bothering me.

Sigh, I knocked out at like 11:30 or so, and then I woke up at like 2:45 or something, and now I can't go back to sleep. I hate it when all this happens; sleeping early and waking up so fucking early. This always gives me time to think, and blog. Mhmhm, I didn't It's like 3:33A.M right now, and I don't feel that tired. UGGH:(. I seriously need sleeping pills.

WTF, why am I craving for pho at 4:42A.M??!?!?hahaha.

"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, and forget about the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance; take it. If it changes your life; let it. Nobody said it was easy, they just promised it would be worth it."

It's so weird how how girls think boys have their ways to get into their minds. And for guys, it's the same way. I was reading people's blogs earlier, and yeah. Not all girls are sluts, and not all guys are players. I know that for a fact that not all guys are gonna be "prince charming" and not all girls are gonna be the "girl of your dreams", but hey isn't there someone out there for everyone? Life has it's ways. Haha, speaking about that I just remembered me rambling on in the past about how I didn't think that there was a someone for everyone, but I finally realized the world is a huge ass place, there are tons and tons of people out there, that you yet have to meet. So yeaaah. Sigh, we live in a fucking complicated world, forreal.

No more making promises w/ anyone, cos promises are made to be broken, and I don't want any of my promises to be broken anymore. It's like getting my hopes up, and just crushing it. Bugs the shit out of people when people do that. Don't promise me something that you know you CAN'T keep, please..

The only one for me.

Sigh, there's still a part of me that has an urge to talk to you. It's whatevers now I guess, just keep moving forward and not look back. What else is there to say about it..? MHMHM, well I woke up at like 4:50 today, the latest time I slept out of this whole summer. Haha, slept at like 5a.m though. SIGH, I don't get why I can never stand up for myself, and say what's on my mind to other people.It's like ekajljsdf. Yeah..

dear ___,
What the fuck, you think your all cool and shit bcos you know certain people?
Get the fuck over your fucking self. Stop with your bullshit.

SIGH, just had to let that out, cos certain people are starting to really bug me now a days.

" Don't sigh, get high."
Right don ?=)

awkward turtle and awkward balloon.

SIGHH, I'm so sore. I needa start adding titles to my blogs.

Key to your heart.

What a day! Biked all the way to regals to meet up Kevin. Then biked all the way back to Sydney's house, all together 8 miles of biking! What a mission, ahaha. I was stupid and scratch my toe, and my basket is like all crooked now :(. SIGH, then stayed at Sydney's house till like 4ish, got to tired to bike home & I also had a major headache, so told papabear to come pick me up. Then he took me around to buy food and stuff. Came home around 6? Then, yeahhh. Good day overall I guess. I'm fucking sore though. I hope this week will be a good week.

9thday.

" If I had it my way, I would make you stay...
Never thought that love would be so hard,
sometimes I wish I never met you at all.
Cause he's what's best for you and you're what's best for me. "

If I leave - Andre Merritt
Open up - Taj Jackson

Can't my fucking parents understand that I'm not that fucking young anymore?! I know a lot about life already, can't I get some space from them?! UGHH. SERIOUSLY... -_________-. HATE THIS.

It's not my fault, that I'm still stuck here, you were the one who made me like this, and just went away. Got me think all these thoughts..Sigh, well no more of this pessimistic shit..Papabear finally bought me a bike =), but then he thinks I don't know how to ride it -_____-, if I didn't know how to ride a bike, then why the hell would I ask for one?! UGHH, in my parents mind I'm still a baby. I'm 13 ALMOST 14 for goodness sake, can't I have some independence, JUST A LITTLE BIT, then I'll be happy.

I'm not ready for this, I'm not ready to take this step.

" Infatuations is when you see someone as perfect with no flaws. Lust is just physical attraction. Love is when you know someone's flaws, and still accept them."

It's whatever.

Those words you said to me were all bullshit. I was stupid at the beginning to actually believe them. Now all I could think about is what you told me. Sigh, I gotta get myself together and forget about them.MHMHMM. Summer's almost over. Damn, and I didn't even do anything that fun. I hope by the end of this summer, something cool happens to me, cause seriously. My life is boring.

Someone should get me a fucking cookie and some damn softlips chapstick :(, I am in need for it! I hate having chapped lips. Registration for highshool is almost coming up, I'm nervous as fuck for highschool. It's going to be like 8th grade at walton all over agian. How gay, I really wished I didn't have to go to Santiago, I mean it's a good school and all, but I don't want to go there. I would rather go to any school besides grove, santiago, or bolsa. Lol. Dammit, why do I have to be so picky, haha. SIGH, I really hope my dad gets me my bike that I've been wanting since last month :(.

Oh how I wish I could just talk to you for just one minute, no need for an hour. Just talking to you for one minute would be nice, then I would be satisfied.

"It's crucial now for you to see things as they are,
and not how you want them to be."

http://bobosmind.blogspot.com/
^ LOVEEEYABOBO<33333333

"I can't live this life, cause I'm lost without your love.
And everytime I try, I'm still lost without your love.
As everyday goes by, I'm just lost without your love.
I don't think I'll survive through the night, if I don't get you back in my life."

Lost - Johnta Austin

Karma's a real bitch.

Heartbreak collision

"Used to be running through my mind
Now you're jogging
Now you're just walking
And footsteps lightly
Until they start to fade away
And all I hear is silence
But it ain't here never after no attachment
Used to be amazing
Don't know how that happened"

32 views for 2 days, woot woot.
At least now I know some people actually read my blog, haha.

On and on.

I liked today, even though I barely did anything :), can't really complain about anything right now. Actually had a nice conversation with my dad today, and we never talk like this.

SIGH* my blogs yesterday and the other days, make me seem pathetic. LOL, gotta stop blogging like that D:

Someone should get me a cookie :(, I've been craving for once since foreverrrr. haha.

"Destiny is what your suppose to do in life,
and fate is what kicks you in the ass to make you do it."


Why do I keep on thinking about it ? When I try my hardest to not to? I hate this feeling, I really do. Don't know what to do anymore. I've tried hard enough, should I keep on trying? SIGH* it's 11:25PM, and I'm going to bed. Can't stand staying up and thinking about this anymore. Night blog.

I'm bipolar.

It's time for a change for myself. I'm just being pessimistic... I can't put the quote " Someone is always in a worse position then you." in my head... I need to stop thinking that my life sucks, cause seriously, there IS someone in a worse position then me.. Just gotta look at things in a different way now.

I don't know what I want right now, it feels like I need someone there for me, like iddk. But I fucking hate this feeeling. errg. I hate when it when I think too much.


Never never land - lyfe jennings
Beautiful creation - young dee

WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT ANYMORE?

Not anymore

Wtf is up with me. I hate having this feeling. The feeling where I need someone there for me. Sigh, I told myself that I don't want to depend on anyone, but myself anymore. I hate hate having moodswings. I was perfectly fine earlier, now I feel urrrg. How fucking gay. This is where the reminicing comes in...FUCCCK. seriously ? WHY NOW I was perfectly happy not thinking about it, but what now.... ugh, fucking hate this. Fucckk thisss, I seriously need to get out of this fucking house. I need to occupied myself with something besides this fucking laptop... I need a fucking bike, no lies. UUGGH, maybe a shower will cool me off. SIGH, well at least tomorrow I'm spending some bonding times w/ bestfriend. Before she leaves. ugh, I hate nights like this, seriously.

FUCK 11:11 , all bullshit, sometimes I ask myself.. Would anyone even care..?

It's just something about you that has me hooked..
SIGH.. It's been a week....Let's see how long I could do this for.

I'm surprise that I could even keep this blogging thing up, it's been since november:)

"Just tell me you don't love me.
Tell me you don't feel the same way that I do,
tell me I don't make you smile.
Like I do when you walk in the room,
you're so hard to let go."

"Even the best fall down somtimes, even the stars refuse to shine,
out of the back you fall in time, I somehow find you and I collide."

"You got me dizzy, dizzy, d-dizzy, dizzy. I hope you catch me. Cause I've falling in love with you. Baby I'm trippin, trippin, I'm slippin, slippin. You got my world spinnin', spinnin'. I'm falling for you"

Happy birthday julie<3. You old unfunny bitch:). MHMHM. I hope today gonna be a good day.

I love my mom, no doubt. Even though I always bitch at her for small reasons, I still love her. I never really noticed what she had put into this family. After the fuss and fights with her, I would always regret yelling at her.. Because she yells at me because she actually cares for me. Through all the bullshit I gave her, she's always there for me, and I don't seem to appreciate her till now, thinking about what she's done for me. As corny as it sounds I do... :)<3

I fucking hate sleeping at 12 and waking up at 3 something, it always makes me think about stuff.. Well, today was okaay I guess. My dad was lagging on me till 6 to take me to shantel's house...Went there, it was pretty okaay at first. Then drinks came, blah blah. I had to leave at like 8 cos today was my first day of work.-____-, how gay right. And then, yeaaaah. SIGH, what a family I have... Dad is an ass, seriously. Always blames me and my mom for shit he does. SIGh, I thought summer '09 would be fun, but to think of it... It's been really boring.. I only go out once or twice a week, and dad already bitches at me. I hate having a strict dad, bugs the shit out of me. UGH, I hate staying up late, I always seem to blog my heart out when I have nothing to do..Eck, I wanna go rollarskating or ice skating one day :).

Sigh, its real gay how I can never stop thinking about what happened. I want to get it out of my head so much, but I never can seem to do so. Fuck this feeling, it had been killing me inside..And staying up till 4 doesn't help me get it out of my head either, I always have to occupied myself with something, so I wouldn't have the time to think about it, but I never have anything to do..ugggh, why can't I just let it go, it really suckss feeling this way.

I got my love on lockdown now. I'm seriously not ready for any guys right now, cause it always seems like they walk out on me, when I give my all. So, now I'm not going to give my all to someone that won't give me their all themself.

things I need to do before summer ends :
1. get a fucking bike. CHECK
2. then bike to kevin's house.
3. then bike with kevin to LQ.
4. buy joose and stuff with kevin.
5. bike to the beach with kevin.
6. go boy hunting with kevin.
7. go bike with don.
8. go watch a movie in theaters.
9. get real buzzed.
10. dye my hair to one color agian.
11. be sober from candy for more than 2 weeks.
12. go shopping.
13. go to signal hill.
I SHALL HAVE MORE SOON. :)

Aren't my blogs something to read ? Lol, when did I start to become so deep? Like in june and stuff, my blogs were just ... whatevers. And now, I blog everything out, and yeahh. I wonder who has the time to reads my boring blogs..hah.

Don't give into temptation christy.. UUGHH, this is so hard, I don't know why. ERRRRRRRG. fuck my life. Family is like broken apart already, life is errg now. This seriously happens to me EVERY FUCKING TIME, no kid. When something is good for once, its hell the next minute. UGHHH. Fuck this life I'm living in..

I'm starting to get sick, fucck. I can say that I really don't need you anymore. I know that I shouldn't be here sitting and just thinking about the past. I was stupid before, I now know I could do better than that. Well, today's shantel's birthday :). Sigh, first day of work with papabear too ): I have to go home early from the party laterr, how borringg! Well, on the bright side, I'm even happy that I could go today,hahah. Been in this fucking house for 3 daysss! It's hell, staying in the house always make me blog my heart out, cos I really have nothing todo. hahah, I want my bike already ): I could go out so much more if I had it, wouldn't need a ride from papabear and yeaah. Then I could get out of this house any day I want and yeah. I'm feelingg bettterrrr today.

CHRISTY : Do you even read my blogs?!
ANGELA : ummm...... not the big ones..
^ I fucking love my bestfriend :)

" Every once in a while people step up, they rise above themselves. Sometimes they surprise you, and sometimes they fall short. Life is funny sometimes, it can push pretty hard, but if you look close enough you find hope in the words of children, in the bars of a song and in the eyes of someone you love. And if you're lucky, and if you're the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person you love decides to love you back. "

Why am I still stuck in the past? FUCCCKK. This is killing me ):

Sigh, sometimes my blogs get way to personal..I seriously over-think too much.


13th day.

This ain't woth it.

Why does this shit always happens to me?! Seriously, just when something was good for me once, the outcome always is always worse for me, got me sittin' here thinking way too much. I really hate when I think too much of a situation. Now I know I'm done for good. Fuck this shit, seriously. I don't even know why I was stressin' over it at the beginning. What's done is done, it is what is. Don't try to fix what something that doesn't want to fix. Fuck this, sometimes things are better left broken, than try to hurt yourself putting it back together. I blame myself for thinking these thoughts, for thinking that something would happen, heh.. How stupid was I ? Just when I thought my life would be goood for one more time, shit goes down the fucking drain. Whenever I hope for something the opposite happens. I don't fucking wish anymore, cause I know most of my wishes would never come true. Maybe I shouldn't hope anymore either, cause nothing works. Life's a bitch; foreal. Sigh, I don't even know why I'm stressing out so much for this simple problem..

I'm done with this, period.

a walk to remember,

LOVEE THAT MOVIE.
" I might kiss you.."
" I might be bad at it.." HAHAHAH, how cute :')

Why is it that I always find myself doing something I said I wouldn't do? Like seriously, I promise myself I wouldn't do something, but I always end up doing it. I just hate how all I think about is the mistakes I make in the past, and nothing more. Like seriously.. I know it's bad just thinking about the past, but whenever I close my eyes it all just comes back, that's why I've been staying up till 6 a.m, so that I could be really tired, and just sleep without thinking about anything. I mean, I have some good memories too, but I can never seem to remember them. I wish I could just have someone that I could just spill my whole feelings out too, but then again, who would have the time to sit there and listen to my complaints all day long. It's funny how the exact same shit happened to me last summer, is happening to me again this summer. I really hope the rest of summer '09 be a goood one. My blogs are so random, LOL.

WOW, are you foreal?! People are so blind now a days, not knowing who's real and who's fake. Serious shit.

It brings back so much memories, hah.

Why don't you ever fucking learn your mistakes Christy? SIGH, I hope I don't do what I did in the past again.. I really hope I don't...


12th day.

promise me

Sigh, I really need to clean my room.. I need to get out more too. I've been starting to realize, I don't really need to care about anyone opinions out there, and I shouldn't be caring if someone dislikes me or not. hahaha, those better days are starting to finally come.

" Promise me, that if I couldn't buy you things, like your sugar jewels, you won't care.
Promise me, that you will never leave me alone if my records ain't hot next year.
Promise me, I've Done been with some Chicks Before But It Wasn't Sincere
Shorty please promise me. If you true boo, show it.Saying you going, no where. "

forever.

I keep on contemplating what should of, could of, and what would of happened. I can name thousand of what if's off the top of my head, but sitting there and thinking about what if's isn't going to do shit for me.And forever ain't nothing but just a fucking empty word with no meaning.

sigh, fuckk. The smallesst shit is getting to me now a days. Fuccck.
Lol, I really need my fucking sleeeeep.


Damn, I just have this huge urge to jlaskjfdlkdsfj, hahah. Fuck temptations, I always give in first.. FINALLLY, got to talk to angela today :) yay. Thought that I would say more to her, but I didn't have much to say.. haha. Fuck the weather, it had been making me ajfdlkjrlwea ):

Gotta get you.

It's really, no more huh..? How stupid was I to think, that there's still something there...? Fuck today, seriously..Hehe, sad to say, but I don't ever learn from my mistakes.. I keep on doing something that I know is wrong already. I keep on doing something that I know won't go right, but I keep on doing it.. And at the end of the day, I end up hurting myself. Everything is like a rerun. They say "no regrets, just lesson learned." But in my case its "yes regrets, just no lesson learned." It's funny how mostly everyone I know say that they have no regrets, but I think that's fucking bullshit. In life you gotta have at least one regret...Even if it's the smallest regret, from choosing not to eat something to letting someone go, you still gotta regret something, but hey I might be wrong who am I to say. Haha. I know for sure this time that I'm not going to care anymore, I even promised myself not to care anymore.. Hm, let's see where this will take me.


ABOVE THE INFLUENCE DAYSS FTWW !^___^
1 week and 2 days.

" I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone. "

" Words for the past, we all shed tears, that's why I pop pills, cause the end is so near. "

I fucking miss it.. scratch that, I fucking miss you

take it back.

I'm so tired of everything, from family, to boys, and friends, everything. I'm done with everything now. Not going to give a fuck about anything anymore. Building up my walls, and I'm not going to let anyone tear it down. I've also noticed, I've been putting myself out there. Being way to easy.. Gotta stop selling myself short, cause I know I'm better than that.

I truly envy the girls that could be so independent. Those girls that could not give a fuck about anyone around them, and not care about what people say about them. Those girls that have something I don't have...Confidence.

&&&& I fucking miss my bestfriend): WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!?!??!?:(


"As good as it may sound, I know myself that it can't be."

" If something is foreal true, they'd find their way back after fading away. "

Stop flattering yourself Christy..

I know that the better days that I was wishing for is going to finally come :).

Is it true when people say, there's someone out there for everyone? Well, I want to meet someone who would change the way I think about guys. Someone who wouldn't mind coming to my house at 2 a.m just to see me. Someone who's not afraid to show me his feelings. Someone that I could talk from morning to night and wouldn't be bored. Someone who would actually show me he cares. Someone who would treat me like a princess. Someone who would be there to listen when I have my problems. Someone who wouldn't break our pinky promises. Someone who I could call babe/baby with out feeling awkward. Someone who would text me every minute of the day. But finally, someone who would prove to me that not all guys are assholes. That's not too much to ask for, right...? +++ someone who would take me out to eat pho at midnight :)


It's 6 a.m right now, and I can't sleep at all. Keep on thinking about what I should do next..Why can't I just let it go? Hah, isn't this wait long enough? Should I keep on pursuing something that I don't even know if it's worth my time....? Why can't someone just tell me the answer, so I can stop thinking stupid thoughts...Daaaamnn it :(. And I'm still prayin for those better days..


Haha, it's funny how I always say that I'm getting over it, but I never seem to make the effort to try to get over it. I've been reading my old blogs, and damn... I complain way too much, I say that I'm going to do something, but I don't. I really need to change the way I used to look at things, because reality is, there's always someone in a worse position than you are. I take the people who loves me for granted, and when they walk out on me, I sit and complain and regret about it... And I think about "what if's".What if I didn't do that ? What if I showed I cared more? What if this, what if that.. What if I actually tried to stop thinking about it, and actually try to move on with the future, and not living the past.


august1st2009/ 31

mhmhm,

im done and over it... Well, I think I am..



"I tried to push it aside, but there's no where to hide."

Offically missing you

mhmhm.. It's too hot, I can't sleep at all. I want to get out of this house so bad.. It's driving me crazy, I wanna go late night cruising :). Weell blaah, yesterday was a salfjldskfjsdf, why did I have to do that..? Just go and do something I told myself not to do... Im trying to let go, but can't.. sighh, I have a stufffy nose, my mouth hurts like a bitch, the weather is hell, family is fucking whacck, and blaaaaaah..


I want those better days..

If you want me to stay

Im going to kill myself soon, this type of weather is killing me :( . My room is like fucking 90 degrees, god I need windows and AC . Sigh, it's 4:28 Im tired as hell, but can't sleep for shieeett! I've been sleeping really really late now a days :( . <^><^><^> the weather.. anywhos, today angela came over, and yeahh. My mom took us to cut my hair, I swear she's such a bitch sometimes. The lady chopped off my long hair, now my hair is short as fuckk ))): <^> I HATE IT, and she dyed it too. UGHHH):< I swearrrr I think im going crazy, ahha. I wish I had someone that would take me cruising around at like 3 a.m. LOL, oh how life would be so good if that happened (: WOOOT WOOOT, my dad said he's gonna buy me a bike sooooon. YAYAY. I can now bike to people's houses instead of asking my dad for rides:). IM SOOO BOREEEEEEEEDDD. yayayay, my fan thingy is blowing out coool air (: ^_______^. blah, I need money ): FUCK MY RANDOM TOPIC CHANGING.

BTW* my title of my blogs, are usually the songs that Im listening too.

0/370.

remember?

Remember the simple times? The time when boys had cooties and daddy was your hero and mommy was your best friend. When your dreams were unsheltered, and worries were few. When recess was just to short, and life was just to long. When fun went on and on forever with out a broken heart, and goodbye only meant till tomorrow. When getting high was swinging on the playground ,and your worst enemies were your siblings or teachers. When race issues were who ran the fastest. When war was just a card game. When the only drug you knew of was cough medicine. When the only things you smoked were the tires on your bike. When the only things that could get broken were toys. When friends didn’t lie to you ,and the worst thing anyone ever called you was a meanie. When rock, paper, scissors solved every problems. When life was just simple and carefree.
Remember those days? Now it’s the time where boys don’t have cooties, your daddy isn’t your hero, and mommy isn’t your best friend. Now dreams are shattered, worries are many. No more recess, now life isn’t as long as we pictured. Now fun doesn’t go on and on forever, and goodbye doesn’t mean till tomorrow. Getting high isn’t swing at the playground, now our worst enemies aren’t our teachers or siblings. Race issues aren’t who runs the fastest, and war isn’t just a card game. Now the only things we smoke aren’t the tires on our bikes, and the things that can get broken aren’t just toys. Now friends lie, and call us mean things not like meanie. Rock, paper, siccors doesn’t solve every problem. Now life isn’t just simple and care free anymore.

I really regret what I've done in the past...I really do..

angela is so fucking sexy.
i want to lick her <33333

my mistakes

today was a good day. I only got like 5 hours of sleep though ): . Well, I slept at 6 woke up at 8 because angela was coming overr. She used my laptop while I was sleeping for like an hour or so. Then, we went to find foood. blah blah, she slept from like 12 to like 3, and went home because she felt sick. I was suppose to go to boiling crab with her and vivian but no , she was too sick. Anywhos, my dad thhen took me to go to my grandma's house, stayed there for like an hour. Then at like 6 we went to pick vivian up from her house, to go to boiling crab. When we got there, we saw Jenny, Shantel, and Angelinee, then 10 mins after we arrived knee came. Then we walked to Tasteasss because our table would only be avaible in an hour. MHMHMH, Daniel and Johnny came too. BLAH BLAH BLAH. Overall, gooodday (:

gentlemen don't

im boreddd, lame day today. SIGH..

mad

SOO BOREEEEED): . Well good day today I guess. Woke up at like 3, then went on to the laptop for a bit. Then, went with my dad to pick up angela. Then, we went to buy fireworks. And then, came home madee foood, angela's scary with knifes):. Vivian called to ask if she could come over too, I went to showerrr, thenn vivian came over blah blah . We went to my uncle's house for fireworks. We went there at like 8 somethingg, played with fireworks blahblahblah. I swear one day imma die bcos of fire, everyone was attaacking me with those firesticks ): , I am not meant to do anything that has fire in it. hahaha, then at like 10:00ish angela mom and picked me, angela, vivian up to go to tiana's housee. Went theree, just chilled for a bit with peoplee. Then went home around 11ishh I thinkk. And now, Im home, bored. Angela's sleeping overrr, she's in my room using my phone I think, and im in the dinning room blogging.haha.well yeah that's it. Oh, Julie finally showed me how to use twitter (= .

www.twitter.com/christeaa


oh btw, angela is so sexy, yummmmm
oh man i go all homo for her <3333

Im still not over you

The curious case of benjamin buttons is such a good movie. It's 3:16 and I just got done watching the movie. Im starting to get sick, urrg . Well, today I really didn't do anything besides go around with my mom to places and yeahh. Yesterday angela came over and we didn't really do anything either.haha. I hate the weather, it's so damnn hot. I want it to be super cold like how cold it was in feburary or something. Im tired, but can't really sleeep. Fucck5, Im starting to get majorr ugly bags. 4th of july is almost coming up, haha that's fassstt. And then damn just 2 more months then summer is over, and highschoool is here. Nothing intresting reallly happens to me anymore, haha. life is kinda boring really.. Well, there's nothing to do anymore.

" Cause Imma keep smilin', Imma keep it movin', cause I don't need you no more."

my reality check

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBPWuKTWtRA&feature=related

Im learning to appreciate what and who I have in my life ..

my love

R.I.P michael jackson - june 25th, 2009.
I remember when I was little, my dad and I would watch his thriller dvd thingy, and I would always be afraid to watch it . Damn, how things change so fast. It was like yesterday when I just read about him in the magazines about how horrible he dressed. People are so judgemental. Wow, he died, still shocks me...It is true, life is too fast..

Well im currently at my cousin's house sleeping overr. soo bored and hot. And she doesn't even give me water. She's already sleeping too, it's only 2:15 right now, so boreeedd. Nothing to doo. Well, I stayed home today till like 4 something, my dad came home and picked me up to take me over to grandma's house. I was so mad at him because he was bitching at me how I wouldn't get ready fast enough, but then later when we got to my grandma's house I was listening to what him and my grandma was talking about and damn, I sure regret all the stupid things I said to him. Im starting to notice that I don't appreciate anyone who's there for me...blahblahblah. now it's like 2:30 or something! I don't wanna sleep yett.urrg);

Yesterdaay and the day beore that, Angela came over. Prettty fun I guesss. I got shrimps yesterday.yumm.Well, we didn't really do anything yesterdaay besides fighting and screaming at each other. ahha, oh how she scares me when she doesn't have enough sleeep.ahah.


NTS**: Fucck it, stop caring anymore. It is what it is, I needa stop trying to fix what's broken.

my summer check list .

- record a decent youtube video
- get rid of my ugly tans
- stay clean at a party
- beat up angela.
- save up at least $50
- clean up my room
- go watch a movie at midnight in theaters
- stay on the phone till 6 a.m
- go eat boiling crab till can't eat anymore
- watch at least 5 movies in theaters

Afraid to fall

It's 2:39 a.m right now. Im tired, but somehow I don't want to sleep yet. I keep telling myself that something's going to happen soon..But it never does. This is one of the reasons why I hate having my hopes up, and it ends up all sajskjflksdf.. Today was a boring day, didn't do anything really. Just stayed home in bed. So many things /people seemed to piss me off today. Hm, I need to go out more, blaah. And I thought summer '09 would be a good one, guesss not.. I need to stop letting people walk over me, stop letting people tell me what to do. I was suppose to sleepover my cousin's house today, but didn't. What a waste of a day. I kind of stopped writing on my wall, ahah. Im suprised that I filled up my wall. 4 years later , I'll be looking back at my wall, and think about how much of a dumbass I was for doing all this stuff. Damn, thinking about it, the future scares the fuck out of me, just 4 more years then collage. Life sure pass you by fast. So this is why I gotta make the best out of it while I can, cause who knows what's going to happen tomorrow. MHM, I gotta stop thinking about the past, and just move on..

"Tomorrow may never come, give and accpet what you have today."

try

It didn't hit me till today , that my life is passing by so fast.. 1st,2nd,3rd,4th,5th,6th,7th,8th grade now it's highschool, just 4 more years then im out of schoool. So damn fast. SIGH*. I just hate how I don't know what to blog about anymoreee. FUCCKK )#@$@*#)$_!(_$ ..

Im missing you

What a boring first day of summer )': . Fuckk yesterday -___- , what a fucking way to start of my summmmer. I hope my summer days won't be like this .. stay in and do nothing )= . Hm, should I go to Santiago next year , or Northwood . I just wanna get out of garden grove some wayy. ahah. @*#$#)*@!#$#_( such "friend" you are. I don't know what to blog about anymore. blah . Hm , finally no more 8th gradee . kekekek. class of '13 :)

broken wings

I really don't like today. Fucking hate this feeeling, just when something is goood , it had to go down the drain. FML. Noo one understandsss, FUUCKKING BULLSHIT .. No one really know what goes on in my life huh? Everything's bottled up inside for to long , im going to break soon.

statue

Yesterday was a good good good day. LALALOVEE TIANA :). Everything is going good in life right now I think. 3 more days , till summer vacation! YEEEEEEAHBOYYY. Im excited. I hate waking up so early on weekend days :( .Everything is going by so fast , the schoool year is almost over. I can like remember the first day of school now there's like only 3 more days of schoool now. Fucck. soo tired.

you ain't never gotta ask

Today was an okay day, better than yesterday I guess. I'm so tired right now. Why is it that most of the guys I know have to seem to be an asshole ): .. Blaaah , well today I went to Sydney's house, her mama made us tacos :) which was really yummmy. Then we went to hang out with Andy for like an hour? Yeaah, pretty fun I guess. Then , I went home at like 5 something , and blaah . Basically boring day. 7 more days , yay .

QUEENIEsydnee (7:54:32 PM): AYYYEE

QUEENIEsydnee (7:54:35 PM): Hi im sydney.

QUEENIEsydnee (7:54:36 PM): I think your really cute.

QUEENIEsydnee (7:54:39 PM): Lets me partner in crimes.

QUEENIEsydnee (7:54:45 PM): Lets be *

unceunce CHRISTY (7:54:48 PM): hahaha ,

unceunce CHRISTY (7:54:51 PM): ^____^

unceunce CHRISTY (7:54:57 PM): why are you so nice to me on aim

unceunce CHRISTY (7:55:03 PM): and such a butthole to me in real life );

unceunce CHRISTY (7:55:04 PM): ahahha

QUEENIEsydnee (7:56:27 PM): Hahahahha.

QUEENIEsydnee (7:56:31 PM): Cos your a butthole to me too nigga.

QUEENIEsydnee (7:56:33 PM): Your so nice on aim.

QUEENIEsydnee (7:56:34 PM): I love it.

QUEENIEsydnee (7:56:36 PM): I get so happy.

QUEENIEsydnee (7:56:37 PM): HAHA.
^^ TOUGH LOVE BBYGIRL ;)

supergirl

sigh* , I don't like today . Fuck it .

because of you .

I need to stop .. I'm starting to go in a bad directions with my life. I hate people who are so judgmental , stfu already . I need someone to be here with me right now, no one understands anymore.. Well , on the bright side of my days , it's almost summer . I hope summer '09 would be the best summer :) . Why is it so hard just to get over something..? Hahaha. Whateversss. Nothing special happened today. Alex and Kevin gave me a lecture today.. hahah . Well , nothing else , so I guess this is a short bloggg .

Closee

Today was a gooday :) . Spent some time with my PIC <3 . What we do afterschoool . hhaha , me and sydnee went to mcdonalds today , we need more days like this . Just go hangout just the two of us and just talkk about everything . Well , after that , my aunt took sydnee home and took me to jordan :D . So many people changed at wJordan . ahah , it's pretty funny how people say one thing and go do another thing . ANYWHOS, me , Angela , and Vivian then went to boiling crab . We waited till 3 for it to opeen :) . 2 pounds of shrimp , 1 cajun fries , 1 sweet potatoes fries = $27 . prettty cheaap I think :D . MHMHS , my dad came and picked us up at like 4:30issh , dropped Vivian off at her house . Then Angela went to mine . She dyed my hair today ^__^ . It's blackk noww. kekeke ;). Im sleeeeeeeeeeepy , bed time :) . What a random blog . ahhaha.

Drop the base

No one understands me besides Angela . They don't know that I actually have problems of my own, and their not the only one who has problems . People don't understand , do they ? HAAHA , my plans with Angela to get money <3 . Today was an okaay day I guesss . I hate how people think they know me so well , when they don't even have a clue about me . FUCK MY PHONE ): I can't recieve any textt . ugh .

Soilder

This weekend was a goood weekend :):):) . Sydnee slept over on friday , and then Angela slept over on saturday. I hate sundays and mondays . Yaaaaay 2 more week of school ! I neeed to go buy dresses and shoes . All my sandals ripped :'( how gay . I can't wait till summer , gonna be hella funn. Im glad I finshed my history project today , all I neeed to do tomorrow is print it out and glue it ! YEAHYEAH. Im feeling better now :) . I re-edited my blog cos the other one looked crappy . haha. My neck is tireddd , I wanna go to sleep after I blog . I've been feeling like a dissapointment to a lot of people . Why does everyone have to be so god damn judgemental ? Can't you live your life and I live my life ? Stop worrying about what I do , worry about yourself first . If I fuck it up then oh wells , it's none of your buisness to care . I never asked anybody to care .. I don't wanna go to school tomorrow . Errgg , I swear I hate my moodswings ): . Well , Im tiredd and Im done blogging.

replay

Gooood weekend (= . Friday night was fun fun ^___^ . I neeed more nights like that ;) . Sydnee slept over on friday night , we snuck out to mouse's friend house . FUCK FIRST IMPRESSION ); , I suck it at .

set me free

I'm better now then how I was 2-3 days ago . I got over it , or I think I am .. Those better days that I've been wishing for are coming . I'm so sleeeepy , and I didnt even do my homework yet . URg , thank god we only have 2 more weeks of school . I hope summer '09 would be a good summer . Damn , everything is going by so fast . Next year is highschool already . Wow , time went by fast this year .. real fast .

"Good things fall apart , so better things can fall together . "

map the soul

Today was a goood day (= . Schoool is blah , but overall it was a good day :) . So today I came home from schoool at like 2:30 ish and then waited for my dad to come home , to take me to this lawyer place w/ him . blah blah , we stayed there till like 4:30ish or so ? :) Then we went to pick up Angela then he took us to buy crawfishh ^____^ . yum yum . 2 pounds of crawfish & 2 pounds of shrimp. kaka , yeah yeah . We waited in yummy yo's for our order eating yogurt and just updating:) . Then we saw tiana , kenny , amy , ryan and stuff :) . lalala , yeah yeah . Then we came home and ate our foood . ^________^ . Im still so full :( . Angela just left home like 15 mins ago . She hurts me too muccch ); , fuckingg butthole bestfriend .. my arm still hurts -____- . blaah , well i got to go shower, homework, then sleeeeeeep ! I hope tomorrow would get better . I really don't like being depress ): .

im fucking tiredd

"fuck it , thug lifeeee . " hahaha . straight up man . :) . MY FIRST SNEAKING OUT ROLLING KICKBACK , :))) hellla funn . first ciggerate taste and everything shit maaaan . i cam home around 5

whatever whatever .

No more , but it's okay . I was stupid at the beginning , saying stuff that I didn't think that I'll
regret . Is this just like one of those things where something goes bad to teach you a lesson ? Cause I learned my lesson already .. Just when I thought life was good for a bit something bad had to go wrong . Oh well , it is what it is .Well, friday was a goodnight , I guess . Last night was fun at the strawberry festival :) . I need more night outs like these days . Long weekend , yaay . I don't want to stay at home today , but there's nothing to do anymore . Im broke now ): no more moneey . Time to stop going out and stop spending money on stuff . Sundays are always boringgg and gloomy for me . blaaah . I want it to rain .. :) . I don't know what to blog about anymore . BLAAH . Schoool is my main priority now . It's almost the end of the school year , so I gotta keep my grades up , and not care about anything else . That's it I guesss .

" I refuse to be the fool, playing by your rules . It's on the table , take it or leave it , and if you don't know how you feel . It's time to keep it real , tell me your heart don't belive it . "

broken concrete

Today was a good day :) . I enjoyed it actually . I'm starting to not care anymore . Today's going to be the last day . Well , my thumb nail is really bothering me :( . It's like ewwwie , I have this bandage over it and it hurts when I type D: . mhmhmhm , walking home afterschoool w/ martin & aldo is fun :) , they always cheer me up . This is a really fast weeek , tomorrow's friday already . YAY (: , strawberry festival ^_____^ . I wish I could go tomorrow :) . Weeeeell , today was really hot ): had to run the mile in p.e tooo . Today was a pretty chill daay , Im tired right now . BLAAAH, I have homeworrrk . fuckfuckfuck . time to stop procastinating nowww , homework time .

Be with you .

" Say Im sorry it really doesnt change a thing we should go our separate ways our ship is sinking . "

Mayday;Jackie boys

BLAHHH, these past 2 days were really bad): . I don't like it . I have a feeling that this weeek is going to be crappy :/ . Do I want this anymore ? Should I keep on chasing something that I dont even know if it's worth chasing ? School is a drag , I haven't been paying attention in school and giving it my all.. And it's almost the end of the year, so BLAAAAH. I haven't been doing my homework . So stressfull . I know that I shouldn't be caring about any of this stuff at this age , but urggg . This feeling suckss .Days are going by so fast , I swear . Prayin' for those better days , but nothing change .

a little bit

mhmhm , what a good weekend (= . so tiringg though . On friday me and sydnee went to the st.callisust fair ? i think that's how you spell the name . ANYWHOs, it was pretty funn :D . and then saturdayy , I stayed home and waited for angela & vivian to come over . they came over around 4ish or 3ish ? yeahhyeahs. and then we ordered pasta and stuff (: . anddddd then , idk . my mom took me and angela to drive vivan home. then angela slept over at my house and stuff . Then , on sunday , julie took me to the st.callisust fair agian . It wassss really funn . mhm , im so tireddd. i hate monday -___________- . um that's it i guess .

this love

"I need your words now, my head is filled with doubts ,
tell me it'll be alright , can you protect me ?"


ahh, today was a fast day . It seemed like it was only a quick min ago that sydnee was here , and now it's like 9:12 already . fucking fastt . HMM , LALALA , im excited for tomorrow . ^___^ . hmmm , i need to learn how to save money more ); . FUCK TEMPTATIONNN :( . the weekend is going to be bombb . :) but but whenever i get excited for something , it wouldn't turn out the way i want it to turn out D; like like IDKK but it suckss ): . BUT i really hope i can go to angela's tomorrow and then go to the festival thing w/ sydneezy . my PIC<3>:O you have to re-download everything over agiann . BLAHH. i dk , lately my phone had been running out of battery fast . like i didnt even use it often today , and all i have now is one bar D: , blahh . im sleeepy . imma go shower soon & then sleeep i guesss. will blog tomorrow . FUCKK BLOGGSPOT -________- it deleted like half of what i typeddd . UGGHHH bullshit mann .

Man, what a funnny day

with angela! HAHAHH, she's so funny! I ended up socking her eye because she called me penelope ): I DONT LOOK LIKE PENELOPE. & Then she rolled off my bed and i didnt catch her in time. So she end up being smooshed by my fan, and I helped...my fan up. HAHA and she said ; THANKS FOR CARING FOR A FAN MORE THAN A HUMAN WITH TISSUE AND PAIN! LOLOL, funnny day. Oho0o0ohh and then we ate crawfish! And we're going to get more. If you know what I mean, hahahahahahah! okaay update later, CHIHUAHHUAHAUHA!;) oh god i love angela LOL , weeell like ! TODAY , she was like blah blah having problems and shit , and then shes like CAN YOU COME PICK ME UP?! so i called my dad to see if he could take her to my house , blah blah , he came home at like 4 something and then took me to pick up angelaa . She bought crawfish ^__^ , we atee it like in my bedroom's floor , and like it was goooooood (= . When we were done we , we wanted more so i called my mom to ask later whenshe gets home if she could take us to get some more , and yeahhh we waiteed till likke 8-9 something ? mhmhmhm ! SOO LIKE , today was a good day (; . Angela got her revenge on me -___________- bitch made me fall off my bedd ); . HAHAHAHA . i hope your not reading this angela ..LOL<3>

Because you live

everything's a rerun . I give up . Im done . Im over it . No more trying . Im done being there for everyone , and having no one being there for me . Bullshit . school's gay . people are whack . Just when life was good for a day , it had to turn into hell . HMM ,i cant wait till strawberry festival ^____^ MHMHMMSS. that's all .

ohh ahh

ohhh dammnnn , what a fun night yesterday w/ angela<3 . WHITEAPPLES<3 . lalala , stayed up till like 4 . I got knocked out immediatly man . HELLA TIRING . ahhaha . anywhos , my neck hurts really bad right now . I have an esssay to do , but im so lazyy to do anything besides lay down and listen to music . LOL. LALALAL , im hellaa exccited for the weekends & the next weekend :)))))) . lalla , schoool's lame . Well at least the first week of CST are over (; . LALALA . HMM , im enjoying my life at this moment right now (= , i would be happier if i had more money on me , but it's all goood (: . i just ate pizzza :D yummmy . BLAH im bored & tired now . I feeeeel really bad some how... GAHHHHH . FUCKING AJSFKLSDFKDSF . okay im done blogging now . =) .

say i ain't right .

FUCK CST ): helllaa boringgg . the classesss are so longggg >:( . Today was the 1st day of the CST testing thing , one day down 9 more days to gooo . WEEELL , today was boring . Nothing special happended x) . Afterschoool , me and syd went to eat , blah blah . Then my dad came to pick us up and blah blah blah . Thenn he dropped sydnee off , and then took me to places . When i came home I was frusterated cos the internet didn't work . After for about an hour of staying at home , my mom took me to her work place , blah blah . Then i went to walmart and bought beadss :) . LALALA , people tease me too much ); . ACKKK , im tiredd , my eyes are killing me . Whatever blog today

Today went well : )

Today Angela slept over, YAK! She's so funny, and then we web cam and she wrestled me ): But its all good, cause I got some moves my self, but she won, darn it! Hohhot, well we're planning to stay up all night Obama she is a PRO man! I don't know if I can stay up that late ): I probably can, if there was 2 hot Brazilian naked guys in my room. HEEHAW I like Angela's song too, its Soho good ; ) Chihuahua well I'm going to go now. & this is totally not Angela, Puff .
FUCK THE SPELLING CHECK : )

u turn

what a bullshitty day . When is it gonna be my GOODLIFE?!


" I never saw it coming, now got me wondering how I could make you turn around, here's another lesson learned , just another bridge that's burned , just when I thought you loved me, you turned. "

It's over

It's been a while since i blogged . The weeek had been whack , i dont like it . Everything's not the way it use to be anymore . Schoooool is the same everyday , nothing new . My old computer got virus and it's like dead); , so my mom got me a new laptop . kekek . :) . Well yesterday , was the walton v.s teachers basketball game . HELLA WHACKK :( . I went with angela :) , and yeahhh. After the basketball game my dad took us to get yogurt @ yummie yo's . yeaaaaaahh. I've been sick for the past week :( FML . my head hurts really baddd . I didnt even shower . I need to do homework . Im really tireddd . ughhh . I neeeeeeed something that would cheer me up , cos blehh . fuckkk it . My arm is sore ); blahhhh . Im done blogging i guess . I want those bettter dayssss. :)

our own ways .

so hot ): , i need to pee , but imma hold it till i finsh with this blog :) . Well today , was a blah day , i dont like walton . Sooo KLASJDFLK . >:( . people are so annnoying and asjdfjdklsjcf UGH . i dont like it . -_____- . people bug me so much now days . ASDLFKJSD . The weather isn't helping my mood either ): , blahh . Texas wasn't fun .. it was lame actually . BLAHH , well angela's gonna come over later to come w/ me to open house i guses . :) OH GOD , its so hot :( , i dont know what to blog about anymore . haha . HMMM , life okay, nothing newwww . I swear , i hate being poked . haahha . well, blehh im tired . nothing to blog about anymore i guess .

" And there's no perfect days , so we all look for goods in our own ways . "

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kW-AzYVQPJA&feature=related

<----- She's all i neeeeeeed ;) .

YAY , finally thursday (= . Today was whackk ,like all dayss . Intresting time after school . ahah . My nose is so bleckkk >:( it's killing me -__- , its like 12:45 and im so tiredddddd. no school tomorrow yay (: .I neeeddaa getaway from GG . it's lame here); .Im soo freaking sore , I had to limp to all my classes today . P.e was HELLL . -________- . Then adding to that , i had to walk home . ERGGGG. i dont like today :( . Wow it's FRIDAYY alreadyy . I need some sleep . ANGELA'S HOMO . (= lalalla , the past few days had been okay i guess . Didn't do anything special so blehh . I wonder who reads my blogs . hahaha . :p , blehh im tired . im tired , time to go night night :)

T rANg El a lala (12:59:47 AM): oonly two word.s

T rANg El a lala (12:59:51 AM): What a whore.

WHADAfCK cphh (12:59:52 AM): ahhaah

T rANg El a lala (12:59:52 AM): lOLOL

WHADAfCK cphh (12:59:54 AM): WHAT ?!

T rANg El a lala (12:59:58 AM): nuthing ; )

WHADAfCK cphh (1:00:35 AM): oh

WHADAfCK cphh (1:00:38 AM): and thats 3 words man

WHADAfCK cphh (1:00:39 AM): LOLOL

^^^
My bestfriendd.

this can't be real .

BLEHH , im tiredd . ); . School's lamee , nothing to look forward to anymore . Well , today Angela came and pick me up to go cut our hair together (: she dyed her and i cutted mine . We waited for 1 whole fucking hour ! but it's all goooooood . It was worth it . :) , then when we were done we went to this boba placee and got some boba & popcorn chicken . Then we went to Heaven delights and got shaved ice . IT WAS FUCKINGGGGGGGGG WINDY TODAY . i hate it >: ( .So nowww ! my room is nice and cleannn and I have so many space now . YAY . Well , after the whole shaved ice thing angela's mom took me to my grandma's house , where my dad & mom picked up . Thenn , when i got home i asked my mom if we could go to target to buy some stuff before our trip to Texas (= . then yeahhhhhhhhhhh ! Im fucking excited for tomorrow & fridayy :))))))))))))))))))))))). i've been having shitloads of moodswings lately . -_______- , SO ANNOYING . ugh , well im so proud of myself . i did all my homework ! :D BESIDES MATH -_________-.woot woot (=, well im tired goodnights

"The girl that plays hard to get always gets my heart , but I usually fall for the girls who break them apart , now i feel that my life had just flipped , middle finger up saying fuck you bitch . "

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQv97A_fILI

anniversary

wow , what a day . im fucking tired .Woke up @ like 9 something , cos my dad woke me up to ask when i was going to angela's house . Then , he left to get his car fix , and then he called me and he was like "MY CAR'S DEAD BLAHBLAH." and then i was like WTFWTF , how am i gonna get to angela'sh ouse . and blah blha , WELL then i took a 30 mins nap , then he came home , and asked me if i wanted to go to angela's house then . and then yeahh . when i got there it was boringg ): we did nothinggggggg, besides watching tv. Then vivian came over and then tahts when we started to get ready , Angela did my hair & like half of my makeup bleh bleh . She also did vivian's hair :D it's niceeeee^___^. well then we left the house @ 4 to go to a "bonfire" , we had to walk all over places and yeahh . it took about what ? an hour all together . When we arrived it was ehh awkard , i guess . but then blehh . I had to peee soo freaking badd and i had to hold it in for like an hourr . -____- , it was freaking FREEEEZING @ the beachh . blah blah . boring dayy . then when we wanted to go home , which was about 7 ish , we called angela's brother . and he didnt come to pick us up till like 8:30 - 9 ish ?!?! ): , we had to wait in the freakin 1 hour in the FREEEEEEEEEEZING WEATHER ); .but then while we were on our way home , this car with a bunch of guys in them wanted to race angela's brother car . and OMGOSH , it was HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLA SCARYYY . hahahahah . VROOOM VROOM . who ever knew a beatle car can go so freaking fast :DDDD . LALAL , then my dadd came to pick me up @ angela's house and then that's it i guess. I didn't even shower yet ); , and its like 11:19 BLAHH . Tomorrow's Easter , and my whole family is staying @ home , so blahhhhhh. hahaha . That's all about my day i guess (= .

try agian .

im so tiredd ): went to sleep @ 3ish , woke up @ like 6 something cos someone texted me , then went back to sleeep then woke up @ 10ishh , cos someone called me . ECKK ,anywhos , spring break is goingg well (= . Trynna enjoy it ^___^ while it last . HAHAH . YEsterddayyy sydnee came over and we had funfunfun(; , then i dropped her off @ her house , and went to angela's to meet up the girlss , to go "clubbing " , but we didnt -__- , instead we went to the blockk . I WAS HELLA TIRED , by the time we got to the block , stayed there till 10:30 for nothingggggg -______- . Well , then , today was an okay day , stayed home till 3 something , then went shopping w/ my aunt & cousin , and bought some dresses , and jewlery (= . Can't wait for the rest of the weeeeek =] , ERGG , head hurts ]; , REALL BADDDDDDD :((( . hate my dad -____- , im so boredddddddddddd , and cold D: . and sleepy BAHAHAH . i need a nap , but then if i sleep right now , imma be awake all night laterrr . ACKK , well that's it i guess ! (=

adore youu .

LALAL , haven't blogged in awhile . It's spring breakk (= . SCHOOOOL's tiring , but it's over with now . AHAH . (; yah . Soo , eckk . sundays are whackk :( nothing to do . I need a hair cut :) . LALAL , so today i did nothing erally . just stayed home and text text text ._________. , fuckkkk my computer >:O slow as fuckk . eckk , anywhos . im excited for this week & next weekk. ^___^ . LALA , IMISSSANGELA:( , even tho , shes so mean to me @ times , shes sstill "lovable" bahahahhahaah. wow , im nice B] , anywhoss. School last week was okay i guess . Friday , went to the eat w/ brandon, tram, & sydney , and then we went to the park (; was hella chill =) . I need more days like thoseee . GETAWAYSHANGOUTDAYS*** yeahh , those kinda days (; , away from all my problems & frustration.. Anyways . im tired :( , but it's barely 12:28 to early to sleep D: well , fucking computer keeps on freezingg :( ACKKK . i've been seriously having moodswings ); dammit . eckk . im tired . no more blogging i guess.

Itz Christian xx (12:17:23 AM): You should mention me in that blog
^^ you wanted to be "mention" in my blog so there you go . HAHAHA .